u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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