Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
