i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
