i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
