my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
