Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
