First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize