I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
