just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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