Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
