dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
