dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You made out with two different species that night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
