so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
