If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
