it wasn't lemon gatorade
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
