I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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