My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
