He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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