My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
