Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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