what day is it and did you see me today?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
