You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
