watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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