Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
