Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
