what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
