I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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