Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
