he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
