I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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