she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
