We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
