It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
