just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
