You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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