As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just invented taco cereal.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
