worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
