I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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