im drinking this country out of the recession.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
