My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
