I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
