Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
