Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
