I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
