I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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