Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
