Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
