seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Such a big mess for such a small penis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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