Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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