He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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