I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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