isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
