Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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