Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
third nipple confirmed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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