We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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