I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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