Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize