You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
