we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
