I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize