so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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