Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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