Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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