So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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