Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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