We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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