I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
