Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
