Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
