I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
