well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
