they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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