he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
