Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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