i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
