going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
