I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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