So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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